My elder son continued to do well and was enrolled in an excellent school for his last two years. He excelled academically, secured admission to a top engineering college, and eventually went to the USA to pursue his MS in Computer Science, fulfilling my dreams. He has been there ever since. By nature, he is someone who cares more about others' needs than his own. He never hesitates to sacrifice his own interests for the sake of others.

My younger son was also admitted to another highly-rated school for his final four years. He performed fairly well, especially in Mathematics and English. Often, when exams approached, he would find himself teaching his classmates who struggled with math—a testament to his gregarious and helpful nature. As a natural leader, he always wanted to assist others, showing a selfless streak in his own unique way.

Although his grades were slightly lower than his elder brother’s in the 12th grade, he assured us that there was no need to worry. He confidently stated he would get into an engineering college and pursue his master's in the USA, just like his brother. True to his word, he accomplished this and has also been in the USA ever since.

During a stress management training course I attended, a psychiatrist was invited to give a lecture. She asked us to participate in role plays where one person would present an issue, and another would propose a solution. I volunteered and narrated my second son’s story, reflecting on how I had misjudged him. The person assigned to offer a solution asked an irritating question, which made me flare up. The psychiatrist, sensing I was recounting a real-life issue, helped sort it out. Admitting my guilt openly provided me with some relief from the pain I had carried.

There were other instances where I had imposed my will on my sons. Once, we went to a store to buy a toy cycle for my younger son. He wanted a car, but a new tractor-shaped cycle had recently been introduced, and I insisted he choose that instead. Nearly 30 years later, my son recalled this incident, telling me he had accepted my choice because he was afraid that otherwise, he wouldn’t get a cycle at all. I was shocked. I had gone to buy something for him, so why didn’t I let him choose? Why did I impose my preference? The toy was meant for his joy, not mine. What a foolish act.

There may have been many such moments where I imposed my views, some perhaps beneficial, but why didn’t I listen to them more? This question still troubles me.

Through these writings, I want to say a simple “sorry” to my two sons. I cannot undo the past or heal the scars left by my actions, but I can at least accept my mistakes honestly and try to relieve them of any lingering pain from those memories.

Continued in 79. What the Kids Did That I Didn’t - Education for Me or for Them - Part 5