This is a self-reflection. Naturally, it has to be short. I may not have skeletons in the closet, but there could be some rotten bits here and there. Every now and then, I try to analyze myself. I start somewhere, notice something, and as I keep thinking, my thoughts tend to drift away. Isn’t it easier to point out the faults of others than to examine our own? It’s quite a pastime. 

As I’ve mentioned before, I was a loner until I joined the bank. My circle of friends expanded after that, but even then, my closest circle remained small. I connected with people based on vibes—getting close only to those I felt in sync with, ensuring harmonious relationships. With other colleagues, I remained friendly and polite, but those who didn’t match my wavelength, I avoided—never insulted, just stayed distant. 

This attitude persisted even when I joined senior management. Regardless of rank, I could engage comfortably with anyone and make them feel at ease. My approach was to steer conversations toward topics the other person enjoyed, building an instant connection. However, I always avoided gossip and people who thrived on it. 

At home, things were a bit different. I didn’t socialize much with neighbors. While I knew them—their names, professions, and families—I wasn’t inclined to spend much time with them. During my working years, I lacked the time, and after retirement, I lacked the inclination. I enjoyed my routines—working on my computer, watching TV, reading books, solving Sudoku and crosswords—and I was content. 

Maintaining a good relationship with neighbors is important, I know, but that doesn’t mean we need to engage daily. When I meet them, I greet them warmly and move on. Of course, if someone shares my wavelength, I can chat for hours. But gossip about who did what in which house? That’s not my concern. I believe the interests of the community as a whole should take precedence over individual affairs. That has been my approach, and I’ve stuck to it. 

With younger generations in my extended family, I’ve had no trouble connecting. At family gatherings, I easily mix with them—cracking jokes, enjoying theirs, and having a good time. Weddings, in particular, have always been joyful occasions for me. 

Some people might have noticed that I don’t initiate conversations often. I don’t go out of my way to meet people, but when they approach me, I do engage with them. That’s for others to judge. 

Since losing my vision, I’ve become even more reclusive. It’s difficult for me to recognize faces or register new ones, and venturing outside has become a challenge. This has also placed a burden on my wife, which makes me reluctant to go out often. However, staying at home has never bored me. 

With my sons, I’ve always been affectionate—strict at times, particularly when it came to their studies. As I mentioned in a previous post, I did put a lot of pressure on them. Even now, I still see them as my little boys, though they’re grown men. This is something every parent feels, I suppose, though it might occasionally irk them. But my intentions were always loving, and I’m proud of who they’ve become—their attitudes, honesty, and willingness to help others. In many ways, they’ve surpassed me. 

The same goes for my wife. She’s always ready to help others and maintains healthy relationships with our neighbors—a quality that has proven invaluable. She has endured life’s challenges with grace and equanimity. 

How happy have I kept my family? I’m not sure. I can say that I tried my best and that I provided for their basic needs. Could I have done more? Probably—but I had my limitations. 

At work, I rarely showed anger. At home, though, I can’t say the same. I was particular about some things and more lenient with others. Perhaps I was too rigid at times, which might have hurt my wife and sons. 

My daughters-in-law are lively and affectionate. Occasionally, I might have treated them the same way I treated my sons, but that’s only because I love them just as much. Since my vision loss, they’ve been especially kind and understanding, which I deeply appreciate. 

As for my grandsons—they are my heart’s delight. I’ve always given them my best, and I’ll continue to do so. They are the cutest kids, and my love for them knows no bounds—it’s as vast as the universe. 

My wife, however, has borne the brunt of our family’s challenges, including my health issues, all while dealing with her own. I’ve shared a poem about her in this group before, and I meant every word of it. I know how much I depend on her, and I am aware of the burden I have become. 

In the end, I see myself as a mix of good and not-so-good. No matter how honestly, we try to assess ourselves, it’s difficult to judge our character. My family and those around me likely know me better than I know myself. 

As I mentioned earlier—accepting facts is key. 

So, if any relatives or friends who read this have honest feedback about my character, I welcome it with an open heart. 

Contd. 400. At the Feet Above the Head